You Don't Know What You Have
by The Narrator
Summary: [MAJOR SPOILER! Volume 29] You don't know what you have until it's gone. Kyo never thought he'd have to deal with this truth. Now he must confront the nature of anger, weakness, and love... [KyoxYuya]


Narrator here. Been having the most god-awful time with my master's classes, so I wrote this because I was depressed. Actaully, I rooted this up from my hard-drive, reworked it, and then decided to post it.

Having read volume 29 of _Samurai Deeper Kyo, _I was compelled to write a little angsty blurb about the story in the form of an aftermath-reaction to the events in volume 29 told from Kyo's POV Please enjoy!

Don't get upset if you don't want a SPOILER. There, I warned you. THIS STORY IS A SPOILER!

**Disclaimer: **Narrator does not own _Samurai Deeper Kyo._ She's just an overly-obsessivefangirl! (.)

_**

* * *

**_

_**You Don't Know What You Have...**_

Idiot. That's what you are. A brainless, loud-mouthed, flat-chested, stubborn little girl so short on common sense it's a miracle you've managed to live a single day on your own, let alone four years.

And being a bounty hunter in the bargain -I thought you had to have at least half a brain in your head to be in that profession, but I suppose even I can be wrong on occasion.

Which is why...

_'Kyo is an important person to me...'_

...I can't understand...

_'I believe in Kyoshiro...'_

...**_why_**...

_'Nii-sama, don't leave me alone!'_

How did you find the strength? How could you be at death's door (by that bastard's hands no less), and still...?

_'Nii-sama, I love you!'_

It was only your words. It was only your words, hoarse because you could barely breathe through the pain. It was only your tears. It was only your tears, washing streaks of shining purity down cheeks stained with blood (your blood).

Your brother's soul was gone - Nobunaga had control of his body, total control, otherwise his attacks would have been easier to cut through than rice paper. He had said as much when our fight began. Bragged as a matter of fact. As if I needed a reminder of how fucking annoying the bastard was.

Damn me for not having my own body to begin with, otherwise you wouldn't have...!

Dammit, how could you be so _stupid_? You threw yourself at him, wrapped your arms around him... _hugged_ him, all the while calling for your dear, departed brother.

That Nobunaga bastard has even less patience for idiots than I do, and you found that out first-hand. The sound of your body slamming into that stone wall, your cry of pain - I thought I had seen the end of you then and there.

(And it made my heart stop, for a moment)

But, impossibly, your voice called out for him, again, demanding that no one else important to you would die as you watched.

What spell those words had, I don't think I'll ever know, but -

The katana poised to cut you down, to extinguish your life, did not fall. And you kept talking, pleading with him, and all of us were held spellbound.

What power, what magic have you been hiding from me all this time that you could do that?

And you... not only did you keep talking, but you obviously thought your were acting as my shield. Idiot, how many times have I had to tell you, I don't need anyone's protection, least of all the "protection" of someone as foolish as you? I wanted to reach out and grab you, shake you until some sense lodged in that tiny brain of yours -

... but, like I said, I was held spell-bound by your words.

_'I believe in Kyoshiro...'_

I felt that cowardly bastard awaken, attempt to take over, to try to save you from your own foolishness. As if I'd allow him to. You're _my_ servant, don't you forget that!

_'Kyo is an important person to me...'_

You _are_ stupid.

And then… your brother, who had surrendered the control of his own body and lent his own paltry strength to Nobunaga in order to exact a hollow revenge, stood before you, smiling.

I felt your fear and anxiety melt away, to be replaced by unbridled joy when he said your name. How can it be that one person can make you so happy with that simple word? He wasn't even your real brother! And yet, everything you have done since the night that bastard cut him down before your eyes, it's all been in his name, hasn't it?

I don't understand.

You thought you had won the battle, but I knew better. Before I could stop you, you got up on legs weak and trembling from pain and reached for him…

You let your guard down completely and thus were surprised when it was Nobunaga, not your brother, who took you by the hand. Nobunaga, not your brother, was, is, and always will be stronger, how can you not understand that? But I wasn't about to let him teach you that lesson. I broke your spell, blocked his attack -

... but I was too late.

The darkness rushed in more powerful than any tsunami when I saw you lying there, bleeding your life's blood into the dirt. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ woman!

I was angry. Angry at Kyoshiro for betraying and trapping me the way he did. Angry at myself for not being strong enough, fast enough. Angry at you for thinking you had to protect me because I wasn't, and paying the price for your idiocy.

And I was angry at Nobunaga, for hurting you. I don't think I've ever felt rage quite like that before, and it surprised me.

Almost more than waking up in my own body. I don't know how or why, but Fortune's wheel decided to turn in my favor. I'm not one to question it. That damned Nobunaga had to pay for damaging my... servant. It gave me the edge I needed to defeat him -

... to save you.

The thrill of having my own body back, meeting him blade to blade as I have always met my enemies... the rage began to give way to the old familiar joy of bloodlust. But always, always... even if I wasn't looking at you, I could sense you, your spark fading despite Akari's best efforts, and I would get angry again.

I wanted to kill him, serve him Death with the edge of the katana Sasuke had thrown to me, but -

... your tears stopped me. _Why?_ Why couldn't I deliver the killing blow?

Your tears stopped him, too. Or rather...

_'Nii-sama, I love you!'_

Love. Is that your secret? I've heard about it, heard the word tossed about causally like a cheap bauble, but never saw any proof of its so-called power. I'd lived my life without it and risen to heights above every warrior in the world. Love is joke at best... at worst, it is the pretty face that hides the deepest betrayal.

And yet -

_'Nii-sama, I love you!'_

You love him. You _truly_ love him, no matter what you've learned of the truth in the last couple of days, in spite of all the pain it has brought you. And your love reached him.

I might have to rethink my certainties concerning the lie that is love.

_'Nii-sama, don't leave me alone!'_

How could you say something like that? Isn't the fact that I deigned to make you my servant, took you along with me like so much noisy inconvenient baggage proof enough that you're not alone? You have me, dammit, I was standing right there in front of you!

I might sound jealous, but really, I'm just irritated at how dense you can be.

In order to heed your call, he turned his blade upon himself, but even that was not enough. Nobunaga's too stubborn an old bastard for that to work (he called me a cockroach, but it takes one to know one).

And finally, you understood why I had to kill him. I saw it in your eyes in the split-second eternity I glanced at you before I cut him nearly in two. Such utter despair and regret, pain deeper than any physical wound, but you understood.

Only then was my blade free to fly, only then could I send that bastard back to the wastelands of Jigoku where he belonged.

And then...

You didn't die. Even though you wanted to, were willing to give up the fight in order to follow your brother into the afterlife, your soul clung to your dying body with all your familiar annoying obstinacy. Tears and blood flowed freely and your life flickered even lower, but Akari wasn't going to let you give up and neither was Sasuke.

Was I the only one who could stand there and _know_ I was watching you die and that nothing in the world could save you?

Obviously, I was.

_'I am taking Yuya-san...'_

Fucking bastard. Stealing you away after saying I had failed; as if he hadn't run away in the first place and left you in my tender care! Not only had he kicked me back into his torn-up body, he stole _mine_ so that I could not follow. Of course, with that mask-wearing creep Hishigi backing him up, he could have had his raggedy ass body and still he would have...

Dammit, why am I so weak!

Why does it have to be you who made it clear to me, that I still can't...?

I will find you. I will take you back from him, the body-snatching little coward who's hidden behind the former Aka-no-Ou's skirts so he can save you (protect you) -

... and make you his.

_No_, I will not fail! So stay alive, Yuya. I'll find you soon.

OWARI

* * *

You might think my Kyo is being OOC with the "why am I so weak" comment, but that's just the point. Kyo doesn't show his weakness to others, but he has enough sense to know when his own personal failings result in someone else getting hurt. (At least, I hope he does, or else all fans of KyoxYuya are going to be _sorely _disappointed at the end of the series...) He can yell at himself for falling short, but woe to anyone else who tries to! 

Salute!


End file.
